A man and his friend were bow hunting elk in the Colorado mountains near Stoner Colorado. They rode their horse's from early morning until late evening. The high mountain terrain was very rough with tree's blown down and large boulders in the path. Their horse's had to step very carefully or chance breaking a leg.
With no sign of any elk the man told his friend that the elk must have all moved to the lower country. They decided to go down and try again the next day. The next morning the man and his friend decided to hunt closer to the town of Stoner.
They hunted most of the morning with no luck, the sky was clear and it was a beautiful day. As they got closer to the black top highway they saw a herd of cow elk. In the middle of the herd was the biggest bull elk you ever saw.
The hunter got down off of his horse and carefully drew his bow and took careful aim. Before he could release his arrow, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing on the highway below their stand.
The hunter slowly let off the pressure on his bow, took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer. His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I know." The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, I was married to her for 25 years."
Read More..
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
John Stewart Lifts Jim Cramer's Skirt
John Stewart, comedic host of the very popular show The Daily Show, interviewed Jim Cramer, host of popular financial show Mad Money, recently and did something no “serious” news show has done to date. He actually asked the questions and voiced the anger and frustrations of millions of Americans who have all but seen their futures dwindle away in “secure” 401k investments and other “safe” havens. From the outset it was clear that this was not going to be one of John’s funny intermingled with occasional sober moment interviews. No, he meant business early on and it also became clear that Jim knew it.
Mr. Stewart pinned Mr. Cramer down in his seat with railroad ties and proceeded to hold to account for video footage of him openly stating that he endorsed manipulation of the market through fake activity and false rumors about competitors, notably mentioning Apple by name. John seemed to almost boil at one point and for one millisecond, Mr. Cramer appeared to believe he was about to be struck. John even held him to task for what mostly everyone has never given a second thought to; Jim’s wild antics and outbursts on his show. He has acted that way for so long that most believed the moments when he appeared calm were only a warp speed moment away from his “true” self coming out, not the other way around.
John got him to all but admit that he was not only guilty of tactics that actually harmed millions of investors, but his wild antics were just that; antics! He stripped Mr. Cramer naked and whipped him in the village square! John deflected every attempt by the desperate Cramer to make a joke and continued to bombard him with the voice of millions behind him. It was a moment to actually be proud of television again.
Like all storms, Hurricane Stewart eventually subsided and Cramer Island, though battered, shattered and looking real haggard, survived. The real hope is that Cramer will be better for it, as he said he would try to be when John had him in one of chokeholds. One thing is for certain though and make no mistake about it. Jim Cramer’s show will never be the same. There is no way he can go back in front of the camera and do the exact same thing he has done for years and be taken seriously anymore.
Who he will be remains to be seen, but the ranting and raving lunatic that we’ve all come to believe in for years is no longer believable, from the mouth of Mr. Cramer himself. Two thumbs up to John Stewart for doing what no anchor on any major network has ever had the courage to do and that was make the ilk of Jim Cramer to finally admit that there was something rotten in Denmark and they knew about it. Now if we could just get John up to a congressional hearing and let him ask a few more questions….
Read More..
Mr. Stewart pinned Mr. Cramer down in his seat with railroad ties and proceeded to hold to account for video footage of him openly stating that he endorsed manipulation of the market through fake activity and false rumors about competitors, notably mentioning Apple by name. John seemed to almost boil at one point and for one millisecond, Mr. Cramer appeared to believe he was about to be struck. John even held him to task for what mostly everyone has never given a second thought to; Jim’s wild antics and outbursts on his show. He has acted that way for so long that most believed the moments when he appeared calm were only a warp speed moment away from his “true” self coming out, not the other way around.
John got him to all but admit that he was not only guilty of tactics that actually harmed millions of investors, but his wild antics were just that; antics! He stripped Mr. Cramer naked and whipped him in the village square! John deflected every attempt by the desperate Cramer to make a joke and continued to bombard him with the voice of millions behind him. It was a moment to actually be proud of television again.
Like all storms, Hurricane Stewart eventually subsided and Cramer Island, though battered, shattered and looking real haggard, survived. The real hope is that Cramer will be better for it, as he said he would try to be when John had him in one of chokeholds. One thing is for certain though and make no mistake about it. Jim Cramer’s show will never be the same. There is no way he can go back in front of the camera and do the exact same thing he has done for years and be taken seriously anymore.
Who he will be remains to be seen, but the ranting and raving lunatic that we’ve all come to believe in for years is no longer believable, from the mouth of Mr. Cramer himself. Two thumbs up to John Stewart for doing what no anchor on any major network has ever had the courage to do and that was make the ilk of Jim Cramer to finally admit that there was something rotten in Denmark and they knew about it. Now if we could just get John up to a congressional hearing and let him ask a few more questions….
Read More..
The Sweaty Truth About The Gym
Here’s a gross one about working out. One morning I woke up exceptionally early. The night before, I made up my mind that I was going to go to the gym and work out, real early. I did this because someone told me that working out early in the morning made for a better work out. So off I went.
I arrived at the gym a little after it opened. I swiped my membership card and headed back to the workout area. Upon entering the gym I noticed that there was only one other person in there with me. This fact didn't bother me at the time and so I payed it no mind. I did my stretching and decided to do some bench press. Now here’s the problem. I thought to myself, “I want to lift a bunch of weight but I need someone to watch me in case something goes wrong.”
I sat there for a minute and then it clicked, “I’ll ask the other guy if he will spot me.” So I did just that. He agreed and we headed to the bench press area. I lay down under the weight and positioned myself. I just expected him to watch but to my surprise he straddled over my head in such a way that his crotch was right in my face.
Now to give you an idea of the level of how uncomfortable the situation was, this is what the guy looked like. He was a short, fat man who was covered in hair. To make matters worse he had tiny little shorts on that were very loose fitting. As if it could get any worse he was sweating like a pig. I tried to put this out of my mind and decided to push through the awkwardness.
“1, 2, and 3...lift” I take the bar and lower down. The first couple of repetitions go smoothly. The more tired I became the closer he squatted, bringing his crotch closer to my face. It was precisely at one of the times he came closer that I noticed a drop of sweat dangling from the crotch area of his paints. I was in mid lift; there was nothing that I could do.
I thought to myself while staring up at this drop, “Oh God, please don’t let it drop, just let me get through this last set, please God.” It was halfway though this prayer when the drop fell and landed in my open mouth. I screamed like a girl, “OH MY GOD, NOOOOO!” I dropped the weight onto my chest, he freaks out and is trying desperately to get the weight off of me. I’m crying out, “OH GOD WHY!” Finally he gets the weight off of me, I said thank you and headed for the exit. Read More..
I arrived at the gym a little after it opened. I swiped my membership card and headed back to the workout area. Upon entering the gym I noticed that there was only one other person in there with me. This fact didn't bother me at the time and so I payed it no mind. I did my stretching and decided to do some bench press. Now here’s the problem. I thought to myself, “I want to lift a bunch of weight but I need someone to watch me in case something goes wrong.”
I sat there for a minute and then it clicked, “I’ll ask the other guy if he will spot me.” So I did just that. He agreed and we headed to the bench press area. I lay down under the weight and positioned myself. I just expected him to watch but to my surprise he straddled over my head in such a way that his crotch was right in my face.
Now to give you an idea of the level of how uncomfortable the situation was, this is what the guy looked like. He was a short, fat man who was covered in hair. To make matters worse he had tiny little shorts on that were very loose fitting. As if it could get any worse he was sweating like a pig. I tried to put this out of my mind and decided to push through the awkwardness.
“1, 2, and 3...lift” I take the bar and lower down. The first couple of repetitions go smoothly. The more tired I became the closer he squatted, bringing his crotch closer to my face. It was precisely at one of the times he came closer that I noticed a drop of sweat dangling from the crotch area of his paints. I was in mid lift; there was nothing that I could do.
I thought to myself while staring up at this drop, “Oh God, please don’t let it drop, just let me get through this last set, please God.” It was halfway though this prayer when the drop fell and landed in my open mouth. I screamed like a girl, “OH MY GOD, NOOOOO!” I dropped the weight onto my chest, he freaks out and is trying desperately to get the weight off of me. I’m crying out, “OH GOD WHY!” Finally he gets the weight off of me, I said thank you and headed for the exit. Read More..
Unemployment Sucks and It's Grabbing Another Straw
As someone who’s been riding the pines while he's looking for work, I can attest to the fact that sitting around broke as that car in the driveway isn’t a happening thing. I mean, sure, there’s bunches of time for trying to find that ever elusive gig, but you can only do it for so long before going absolutely bonkers – and then what? That said, how ‘bout I offer some advice from experience and the humorous side of the fence.
1. Go easy on daytime TV. Trust me – under our circumstances the Price is Never Right, there is no Law and Order, The View ain’t so hot, All My Children only cost you more money, Divorce Court is way too educational, the Squawk on the Street will only make you cry – or jealous, just the name Judge Hatchett presents too many ideas, Springer may be a sign of things to come, and the way you’ve been feeling you’ll start doing Internet searches for Dr. Phil’s office number.
2. Make sure you get up and around. You don’t want your fanny as flat as your wallet.
3. Don’t eat out of boredom. You don’t want your gut as large as your credit card debt.
4. Quit checking your unemployment debit card balance online – no miracles occurred.
5. Take CareerBuilder and Monster in small doses. Between the two of them, checking your debit and credit card balances, and researching top-secret underground military installations, an Internet addiction is knocking at the door. And you can’t afford counseling.
6. Wear protective gloves when you’re rabidly searching for loose change in your car. There’s some pretty icky stuff in there.
7. Stay away from the kid’s piggy banks – they’ll be checking.
8. No, you didn’t leave five twenties in your pants pocket last week. Stay out of the closet.
9. When you can’t sleep, stay away from the TV at 3 a.m. The last thing you need is to get sucked in by one of those phony geeks who made a trillion dollars last month working from home.
10. Make sure you find out what season they’re buying for when you start gathering clothes for the resale store. And, no, they won’t overlook that wine stain on your blouse.
11. Don’t even think about looking for the credit card number Grandma Johnson gave you when she asked you to buy your daughter a birthday present.
12. As ticked as you are at the jerk who fired you, spending hours obsessing over slowly pulling her toe nails out with pliers will only further agitate you. Plus – you may actually try to give it a go. And take that target with her picture on it out of your toilet.
13. Forget about filling time with sex. You can’t afford the Viagra
14. Driving by your former place of employment multiple times a day singing “The Way We Were” isn’t going to make you feel any better.
15. Driving by your former place of employment multiple times a day singing “Take This Job and Shove It” just might. Read More..
1. Go easy on daytime TV. Trust me – under our circumstances the Price is Never Right, there is no Law and Order, The View ain’t so hot, All My Children only cost you more money, Divorce Court is way too educational, the Squawk on the Street will only make you cry – or jealous, just the name Judge Hatchett presents too many ideas, Springer may be a sign of things to come, and the way you’ve been feeling you’ll start doing Internet searches for Dr. Phil’s office number.
2. Make sure you get up and around. You don’t want your fanny as flat as your wallet.
3. Don’t eat out of boredom. You don’t want your gut as large as your credit card debt.
4. Quit checking your unemployment debit card balance online – no miracles occurred.
5. Take CareerBuilder and Monster in small doses. Between the two of them, checking your debit and credit card balances, and researching top-secret underground military installations, an Internet addiction is knocking at the door. And you can’t afford counseling.
6. Wear protective gloves when you’re rabidly searching for loose change in your car. There’s some pretty icky stuff in there.
7. Stay away from the kid’s piggy banks – they’ll be checking.
8. No, you didn’t leave five twenties in your pants pocket last week. Stay out of the closet.
9. When you can’t sleep, stay away from the TV at 3 a.m. The last thing you need is to get sucked in by one of those phony geeks who made a trillion dollars last month working from home.
10. Make sure you find out what season they’re buying for when you start gathering clothes for the resale store. And, no, they won’t overlook that wine stain on your blouse.
11. Don’t even think about looking for the credit card number Grandma Johnson gave you when she asked you to buy your daughter a birthday present.
12. As ticked as you are at the jerk who fired you, spending hours obsessing over slowly pulling her toe nails out with pliers will only further agitate you. Plus – you may actually try to give it a go. And take that target with her picture on it out of your toilet.
13. Forget about filling time with sex. You can’t afford the Viagra
14. Driving by your former place of employment multiple times a day singing “The Way We Were” isn’t going to make you feel any better.
15. Driving by your former place of employment multiple times a day singing “Take This Job and Shove It” just might. Read More..
Goat Jokes & Funny Goats
Humans love hilarious moments. Some crack jokes to make other laugh. Some funny antics of people make others in vicinity to laugh. Many consider animals as funny, hence goats also comes under funny animals. Goats are curious and strange at times. Playful antics of funny goats can make one laugh in a big way.
You can watch a great deal of funny goats’ videos on some television channels, youtube, and other online websites. There is numerous jokes related to goats are there in usage.
When goats become scared they do certain weird stuffs, and it will look extremely funny to us. Goats feel itchy about their heads. Therefore, they search for anything that can help them in scratching. Do not be amazed, they might scratch their head even to our body. There are many bizarre scratching instances involving the goats. While talking about funny goats, their curiosity makes them hilarious.
If you give something say a cap, they will be curious enough to check whether it could eat. Since goats can climb, you might find them in some unusual places out of their curiosity, entangled in mess. Many a time, you will not be able to stop laughing seeing goats kicking down kids and elders. Do not make goats to chase you; you might end up in a funny brawl.
In one sense, the fainting goats are termed as the funny goats. It is because if they are startled or excited their muscles stiffen and hence they faint down. After a few minutes you will find them, jumping and running as if nothing happened. It is quite a funny scene to see a group of fainting goats fainting down together, by deliberately exciting them. The scenery of goats fainting sometimes looks funny though it is painful for them.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim? Billy Jean King.
What do you call a goat with a beard? It is goatee!
Why is it hard to carryon a conversation with a goat? Because they are always butting in.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs? Billy Vanilli.
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
What do you call a goat on a mountain? Hillbilly.
Who did the goats vote for as president? Billy Clinton.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university? Billy Dean.
What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.
These are some of the popular funny goat jokes.
Kids are quite fond of funny goats and they enjoy playing with them. Kids tease the goats and make them do some silly things. There are some funny goat cartoon characters.
Many companies use the images of funny goats in their merchandises. What a smart way to lure customers, right!
People involved in goat care come across numerous goat jokes as well as funny goats. Goat care becomes enjoyable when the person giving care and the goat enjoys each other’s company.
Goats are so affectionate and playful. Hence, there will be some hilarious moments all the way. Read More..
You can watch a great deal of funny goats’ videos on some television channels, youtube, and other online websites. There is numerous jokes related to goats are there in usage.
When goats become scared they do certain weird stuffs, and it will look extremely funny to us. Goats feel itchy about their heads. Therefore, they search for anything that can help them in scratching. Do not be amazed, they might scratch their head even to our body. There are many bizarre scratching instances involving the goats. While talking about funny goats, their curiosity makes them hilarious.
If you give something say a cap, they will be curious enough to check whether it could eat. Since goats can climb, you might find them in some unusual places out of their curiosity, entangled in mess. Many a time, you will not be able to stop laughing seeing goats kicking down kids and elders. Do not make goats to chase you; you might end up in a funny brawl.
In one sense, the fainting goats are termed as the funny goats. It is because if they are startled or excited their muscles stiffen and hence they faint down. After a few minutes you will find them, jumping and running as if nothing happened. It is quite a funny scene to see a group of fainting goats fainting down together, by deliberately exciting them. The scenery of goats fainting sometimes looks funny though it is painful for them.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim? Billy Jean King.
What do you call a goat with a beard? It is goatee!
Why is it hard to carryon a conversation with a goat? Because they are always butting in.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs? Billy Vanilli.
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
What do you call a goat on a mountain? Hillbilly.
Who did the goats vote for as president? Billy Clinton.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university? Billy Dean.
What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.
These are some of the popular funny goat jokes.
Kids are quite fond of funny goats and they enjoy playing with them. Kids tease the goats and make them do some silly things. There are some funny goat cartoon characters.
Many companies use the images of funny goats in their merchandises. What a smart way to lure customers, right!
People involved in goat care come across numerous goat jokes as well as funny goats. Goat care becomes enjoyable when the person giving care and the goat enjoys each other’s company.
Goats are so affectionate and playful. Hence, there will be some hilarious moments all the way. Read More..
People in Your Office are Morons!
Every day in every office, someone is misunderstood. It’s the consummate struggle in every office…communication. Could it be that communication is such a challenge because secretly we want to be misunderstood? Could it be that we survive in the workplace by being cryptic and intentionally misunderstood? Maybe if people understood what we really meant, they wouldn’t like it very much.
To break it down to the root of the communication issue, clearly a mismatch exists between what is said in the workplace and what is really meant. Perhaps, it’s because we are all programmed to be “politically correct”. Perhaps we are trying to cover-up our own inadequacies. Perhaps, it’s because we are programmed to “put lipstick on the pig”. Perhaps, we just relish the fun of trying to keep everyone around us guessing.
Let’s take a look at how the office functions today. We stroll around exchanging pleasantries with co-workers, bosses and the people we manage. We exchange thoughts, in private, during one-on-one conversations with our co-workers. We sit in meetings of endless conversation, as we strive to understand what is being said. We filter through piles and piles of emails with conversation chains a mile long. We endure performance reviews where our boss gives us their always valuable input and assessment.
Have you ever had a pleasant conversation with someone at the office and walked away feeling as if you might have been missing something? The look on their face, the tone of their voice – did they just insult you with pleasant conversation? After all, the slightest change in the tone of your voice can deliver a swift slap across the face with a simple “hello!”
Like a meticulously choreographed dance, most conversations in the office take place in our thoughts, not our spoken words. So we decided to take a look at real conversations to find the real meanings.
Let's face it, based on the conversations you have everyday at the office - the people you work with are morons. Read More..
To break it down to the root of the communication issue, clearly a mismatch exists between what is said in the workplace and what is really meant. Perhaps, it’s because we are all programmed to be “politically correct”. Perhaps we are trying to cover-up our own inadequacies. Perhaps, it’s because we are programmed to “put lipstick on the pig”. Perhaps, we just relish the fun of trying to keep everyone around us guessing.
Let’s take a look at how the office functions today. We stroll around exchanging pleasantries with co-workers, bosses and the people we manage. We exchange thoughts, in private, during one-on-one conversations with our co-workers. We sit in meetings of endless conversation, as we strive to understand what is being said. We filter through piles and piles of emails with conversation chains a mile long. We endure performance reviews where our boss gives us their always valuable input and assessment.
Have you ever had a pleasant conversation with someone at the office and walked away feeling as if you might have been missing something? The look on their face, the tone of their voice – did they just insult you with pleasant conversation? After all, the slightest change in the tone of your voice can deliver a swift slap across the face with a simple “hello!”
Like a meticulously choreographed dance, most conversations in the office take place in our thoughts, not our spoken words. So we decided to take a look at real conversations to find the real meanings.
Let's face it, based on the conversations you have everyday at the office - the people you work with are morons. Read More..
Coming to StinksnThings.com!
While it’s not always easy to find unity between those with differing religious beliefs, there are still a few commonalities that every human being shares, and that’s the starting point to a peaceful society. So on April 17, 2009, “take some time to think when you take your time to stink” as you celebrate the sixth annual Poop for Peace day with StinksNThings.com, one of this year’s proud sponsors!
Created five years ago in a bid to unite evildoers in bathrooms across the globe, Poop for Peace Day is just a drop in the proverbial bucket toward achieving a harmonious society. There’s no better way to celebrate Poop for Peace Day than by sharing the stench, and Stinks’ Poo Pen ($2.49) makes a great gift for the little turd in your family. Really do the doo and get a bunch for your classmates: What teacher is going to confiscate 30 crappy pens? Or start a new movement and bring these “Number 2” pens to the office and unite your co-workers.
For those who get sentimental for Poop for Peace Day, capture your lasting memories (and bowel busters) with Stinks’ Poop Photo Frame ($7.99). Coming in at about 6 inches – or the size of last night’s dinner in the bowl – the frame is constructed of high-quality acrylic and holds any 4-by-6-inch image. What better way to make your Poop for Peace Day a permanent stain on your desk and to do your civic doodie?
Or light a candle and celebrate Poop for Peace with Stinks’ Dog Poop Candle ($5.49). This 4-inch-tall vertical candle looks just like the steaming mess your neighbor’s pooch left on your front lawn and comes in two colors – chocolate or powdered snow. Don’t fret, the candles let you create your own celebratory scent.
Don’t miss another Poop for Peace Day with Stinks’ Dog Poop Calendar ($10.99 On sale now for $5.50). Order yours in advance and mark the big day ahead of time and make sure your bombs aren’t for naught. Or get one for a friend as a subtle reminder of just how bad they stink at remembering important dates like Poop for Peace, April Fool’s Day and more.
Go for the canine trifecta with Stinks’ Doggie Doo Keychain ($2.49) and spread the word to your friendly valet – and make sure he never loses your keys again. Throw your office key card onto this and you’ll ensure nobody ever walks away with your keys to the work castle.
Cat lovers can get into Poop for Peace Day, too, with Stinks’ Fake Cat Crap ($2.99). Folded feline fecal matter – nothing says “me-OW” like this does. Add a little of Stinks’ Liquid Ass ($5.99) and really make a mess of things.
So whether you celebrate Easter or Passover or nothing at all, there’s no way Poop for Peace Day can go unrecognized. Don’t just do the doo or drop the bomb, be creative and spread the terd, uh, word and celebrate in style. Get into the spirit; bring your school, office, church, temple, softball team or book club together with gifts from StinksNThings.com. Read More..
Created five years ago in a bid to unite evildoers in bathrooms across the globe, Poop for Peace Day is just a drop in the proverbial bucket toward achieving a harmonious society. There’s no better way to celebrate Poop for Peace Day than by sharing the stench, and Stinks’ Poo Pen ($2.49) makes a great gift for the little turd in your family. Really do the doo and get a bunch for your classmates: What teacher is going to confiscate 30 crappy pens? Or start a new movement and bring these “Number 2” pens to the office and unite your co-workers.
For those who get sentimental for Poop for Peace Day, capture your lasting memories (and bowel busters) with Stinks’ Poop Photo Frame ($7.99). Coming in at about 6 inches – or the size of last night’s dinner in the bowl – the frame is constructed of high-quality acrylic and holds any 4-by-6-inch image. What better way to make your Poop for Peace Day a permanent stain on your desk and to do your civic doodie?
Or light a candle and celebrate Poop for Peace with Stinks’ Dog Poop Candle ($5.49). This 4-inch-tall vertical candle looks just like the steaming mess your neighbor’s pooch left on your front lawn and comes in two colors – chocolate or powdered snow. Don’t fret, the candles let you create your own celebratory scent.
Don’t miss another Poop for Peace Day with Stinks’ Dog Poop Calendar ($10.99 On sale now for $5.50). Order yours in advance and mark the big day ahead of time and make sure your bombs aren’t for naught. Or get one for a friend as a subtle reminder of just how bad they stink at remembering important dates like Poop for Peace, April Fool’s Day and more.
Go for the canine trifecta with Stinks’ Doggie Doo Keychain ($2.49) and spread the word to your friendly valet – and make sure he never loses your keys again. Throw your office key card onto this and you’ll ensure nobody ever walks away with your keys to the work castle.
Cat lovers can get into Poop for Peace Day, too, with Stinks’ Fake Cat Crap ($2.99). Folded feline fecal matter – nothing says “me-OW” like this does. Add a little of Stinks’ Liquid Ass ($5.99) and really make a mess of things.
So whether you celebrate Easter or Passover or nothing at all, there’s no way Poop for Peace Day can go unrecognized. Don’t just do the doo or drop the bomb, be creative and spread the terd, uh, word and celebrate in style. Get into the spirit; bring your school, office, church, temple, softball team or book club together with gifts from StinksNThings.com. Read More..
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